TO MYSELF FROM MY SOUL

I have heard your stories of woe..your stories of betrayals, rejections, your pain.
I have listened to your " many year" journey through fear, confusion, resentment, followed you up the bliss steps of love, hope, gratitude. I have held your hand when you were alone, and nurtured you while you tossed through nightmares and touched the edge of insanity. I have been there for you when you did not think you would ever see another sun set. I have supported your good intentions and helped you plan your life when you could not read the blueprint; when you did'nt even know it existed!

I have shared your dreams, and have watched you take baby steps into tomorrow..not believing ..
yet, wanting so hard to know that every thing would be all right..everything would happen just as it should.
I was with you as you screamed YES!!! to life. As you begin to see life as a puzzle, instead of as a conundrum .I was with you putting those pieces of your life together, and laughed out loud when those pieces of the puzzle became recognizable to you as the bigger picture of your life's journey.

Your impatience often bored me; your confusion was necessary however. Your drop into hell was a blessing...as you needed to fall, to burn away the falsity of your life...to go blind, so that you could once again see.. You let it all fall down around you.. I clapped for joy...How else could you have seen or known what to pick up, what you needed, what you did not.
You let go of the rope..the one that tied you to the pier of abject terror, fear, and worry..you let go..and started to swim...after almost drowning in 6 inches of water..
You let go..and flew into the nebulous clouds of 'present'...where the winds of change are constant and the temperature is always a little bit more or less than perfect..
and now you know...that the only advice i can ever give you ...is that there are few guarantees in life..but there is one guarantee that you can set your sail toward..and that is CHANGE!

It is everything ..it spins on a dime..and turns dreams into dust in a second, and trust into betrayal, your very life into a spinning wheel of choices and possibilities..
Change is the very essence of creation..the paint for our life's canvas, the colors of our seasons,
the wind, fire, water and earth...blending, burning shaking,drowning, floating, building and crumbling..the hurricane and the calm, the flooding waters, and the still ocean..
our heart's fluttering to the rhythm of hope..that all is well and life is really good.
Now my dear friend...go have fun...and watch the dime as it spins..

Today I puttered

Every once and a while it is good just to putter around..do laundry, water plants, smoke a cigarrette while waiting for the clothes to dry..watch Seinfeld and laugh..i took a vacation today, a brief respite from the day to day worry machine, that seems to run on high octane. I just turned the little machine off and puttered myself silly. one day at a time..